Life : Crush no more!
from : NuNa a.k.a Me
Dear Heart,
I'm proud of you because you're not taking too long to get better after being broken. If I count from the day you got 'snap' until now, it's been... eleven month already. Wow, I though it's been a year. Em.. em... Two weeks from now will be a year. Hehm..
It's not quite easy actually forgetting someone you really... 'sayang'. Someone that you want him to be your partner in life. Someone you really trust to guard you so you can be a good person and successful girl. Someone you can rely on if you lost and you don't know what to do or which way you should take. Someone you want to share every single things that happened to you. Someone that can give you his shoulder when you upset, when you cry, when you depressed. Someone that can calm you with his positive words or maybe just his smile to vanished you anger. And more importantly, someone that remind you the importance of family, especially your parents (mama & ayah) and... The One, The Creator is Allah Subhanahuwata'ala...
To Heart, that person was really, really awesome because he can make Heart feel like that. It's not like a normal feeling, girl love boy or lady love guy or love teenagers. No. It is a very very special feeling that Heart ever felt for someone.. strangers. Yea, he is strangers. Someone Heart never seen before. Unknown person. Someone suddenly pop-up in front of Heart's eyes. Someone never exist in Heart's lifetime. So... so unpredictable! And it is dangerous thing.
Actually, that person is only Heart's crush initially. Just a crush because that person is tall, have a good-looking, style with grey and black suit, looks smart, a little bit... cocky, I guess. Eehehe, because his face always look like 'Don't talk to me' and 'So short'. Seriously! He's facial reaction always gloomy, tired, sometimes look fed up with work. Everyone will feel that and I am too. Who love their work? Are you...???
Heart always curios about it. Why he's look like that? Is he have a problem? Is he doing well? Is he sick? Is he get scolded? Is he angry with someone? Is he get annoyed because Heart always 'curi-curi pandang' at him? Hekhek, kantoi.. every human will do like that. Heart so so concern about him. Very concern. Every his step, every his gestures will captured and be disputed with Heart-self.
Heart crushed on him for... five month, I guess. It's a long time actually. Infact, one of my friends told me that we only crush on someone for three or four month. But if more than that it's not call 'a crush'. So, Heart know that Heart really 'like' him, not only a crush. Everyday Heart see him, Heart see a different character of him which is gloomy, funny, ehehe.. weird... Heart mean, is not suitable for good-looking guy do. Sometimes he alone in one side while his friends were talking on the other side. Even it 'sometimes' but it seem 'everytimes' he alone.
I'm not talking he is 'menyendiri' or what. He's always playing his phone and looking at the mirror when there has no customer. The fact is not only a girl always look at the mirror, guys too. What else?? He like childs. Heart like this side about him the most because is hard to find guys playing with a kiddos. When Heart look at it for the first time, Heart felt touched. I don't know. It's a weird and unknown feeling that touch deep down your heart. I don't know how to describe it. It hurt. You feel tight in your chest. At the same time, you remembered your parents and you feel like you gonna lose him. Hurt, right? Malay people say, 'Pelik tapi benar'. I don't know what is the connection between my parents and him. It's still (____) blank space until now.
Of course he give Heart a respond AFTER he got a piece of card from Heart during Hari Raya AidilAdha. I leave it to his colleague and pass to him. After that day, he start notice Heart and give smile slightly. And when Heart pass in front of his boutique, he... he will glared for a second and make an eye contact. It's not like he do that often. Just... rarely. But, woah! It is a Big.. a big what?? A big.. reward.. ahahah, like I've got world cup champion! Seriously.
After teasing-teasing, glaring-glaring, flirting in silence that we both know, erk.. I guess. Or it just me? Cause Heart always feel like "He think and feel the same" too. Day turn to night. Tomorrow hope the sun goes rise and bright. That special feeling growth each day. Heart can't help or stop it. It's a nature feeling of human being. So it's not Heart fault for 'liking' him, right? I think it not 'liking' anymore if you start to feel 'afraid of losing' that person. What is it means? It's mean you already In Love! (warning : you better not to 'fall' because it will hurt/broken you one day!)
Unfortunately, we're not meant to be. I know that. I know that. I know cause I had a dream and that dream was actually a hint that he will go away and married someone else. In my dream, it was a wedding event and his a groom but I'm not his bride. Wuuu, it's really really hard to handle. But Heart try to stay calm and think that it never happened. Yes, I admit that I am the over thinking and bad though person. But I also make myself to stay calm and positive and try to control over feeling because I hate it the most.
At the end, Heart give him a chocolate, 100 plus with the sticky note for one week. All the sticky note was write about my doa so he take care of health (kantoi he smokes 😐), be a good man, be a good lover, give your best... and 'If you feel alone remember, Allah always besides you'. That is my last noted for him with the small paper bag and a cup of chocolate. I think there was a small teddy bear with cap on that paper bag. Ahahah, it's cute. Eheemm...
My dream comes true. He's married with 'wanita solehah' and two years older than him. His wife is not someone he knows or his friend. She's actually his daughter's customer. He make a first move and plan all things. Looks sweet..?? I don't know. Am I jealous? Maybe but what I felt that times was, "Wow, lucky her. She got him without any effort like I do." I.. I do anything just to get his attention without knowing his name and do all in silence. All.. all by myself. I almost got him but... he said to me at the last day I give him chocolate, "I'm sorry. Please don't do this. I'll get married. But if you wanna stay as a friend, I'm okay." And I'm like, "Wha.. woah, congrate to you. Just take this." And the end. I'm the one that make us... clear.
"How come I can stay just 'a friend' when I have that special feeling towards you?! Stup*d..!!" I hope I can screamed like that to him. I really hoped that one day, I punch his face and screamed like that. After that, I'm gone from his sight. And I prayed for his happiness. The Funniest thing is, it takes a looooong time just to know his First Name. Ahahah... and The Best thing is I'm not crying over his wedding. Am I ??
Of course he give Heart a respond AFTER he got a piece of card from Heart during Hari Raya AidilAdha. I leave it to his colleague and pass to him. After that day, he start notice Heart and give smile slightly. And when Heart pass in front of his boutique, he... he will glared for a second and make an eye contact. It's not like he do that often. Just... rarely. But, woah! It is a Big.. a big what?? A big.. reward.. ahahah, like I've got world cup champion! Seriously.
After teasing-teasing, glaring-glaring, flirting in silence that we both know, erk.. I guess. Or it just me? Cause Heart always feel like "He think and feel the same" too. Day turn to night. Tomorrow hope the sun goes rise and bright. That special feeling growth each day. Heart can't help or stop it. It's a nature feeling of human being. So it's not Heart fault for 'liking' him, right? I think it not 'liking' anymore if you start to feel 'afraid of losing' that person. What is it means? It's mean you already In Love! (warning : you better not to 'fall' because it will hurt/broken you one day!)
Unfortunately, we're not meant to be. I know that. I know that. I know cause I had a dream and that dream was actually a hint that he will go away and married someone else. In my dream, it was a wedding event and his a groom but I'm not his bride. Wuuu, it's really really hard to handle. But Heart try to stay calm and think that it never happened. Yes, I admit that I am the over thinking and bad though person. But I also make myself to stay calm and positive and try to control over feeling because I hate it the most.
At the end, Heart give him a chocolate, 100 plus with the sticky note for one week. All the sticky note was write about my doa so he take care of health (kantoi he smokes 😐), be a good man, be a good lover, give your best... and 'If you feel alone remember, Allah always besides you'. That is my last noted for him with the small paper bag and a cup of chocolate. I think there was a small teddy bear with cap on that paper bag. Ahahah, it's cute. Eheemm...
My dream comes true. He's married with 'wanita solehah' and two years older than him. His wife is not someone he knows or his friend. She's actually his daughter's customer. He make a first move and plan all things. Looks sweet..?? I don't know. Am I jealous? Maybe but what I felt that times was, "Wow, lucky her. She got him without any effort like I do." I.. I do anything just to get his attention without knowing his name and do all in silence. All.. all by myself. I almost got him but... he said to me at the last day I give him chocolate, "I'm sorry. Please don't do this. I'll get married. But if you wanna stay as a friend, I'm okay." And I'm like, "Wha.. woah, congrate to you. Just take this." And the end. I'm the one that make us... clear.
"How come I can stay just 'a friend' when I have that special feeling towards you?! Stup*d..!!" I hope I can screamed like that to him. I really hoped that one day, I punch his face and screamed like that. After that, I'm gone from his sight. And I prayed for his happiness. The Funniest thing is, it takes a looooong time just to know his First Name. Ahahah... and The Best thing is I'm not crying over his wedding. Am I ??
love my Heart, love myself from NuNa =3
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